An exclusive in depth interview with the Town Crier’s newest columnist: the curiously known, extraordinarily private, information specialist, Dr Know It All. (He doesn’t use a period.)
TC: Hello, Dr Know It All. Do you have a first name that we may use? Dr Know It All seems so official and impersonal.
All right. I always prefer using my full name, but for the purpose of this “exclusive” interview you may just call me Dr.
TC: How did you become Dr Know It All? When did you first know that you knew it all?
Frankly, I knew that I knew it all from a very young age. As a toddler I could see that my parents didn’t have a clue. They seemed to have no conception of what I was clearly saying to them. Finally, at about 5 years of age, I realized I’d have to wing it on my own.
By then I’d learned all there was to know by watching endless TV commercials, following extremist political blogs and reading countless non-organic food labels.
So, yes, I’d say at about the age of 5 I knew it all. I should note that from a very early age I was extremely humble. I probably knew everything years earlier but I didn’t want to show off.
TC: When did you receive your doctoral degree?
It was on a Tuesday at about 2 in the afternoon. I remember because I had just finished watching back-to-back episodes of “Dr. Who,” which on Tuesdays is proceeded by “General Hospital” and followed by “Oprah.” During the commercial breaks I got an email alert and there it was. The doctoral degree, in an attachment. I printed, signed and faxed it back, then went to the pharmacy to try to fill several prescriptions.
TC: How long have you been in Idyllwild? How do you like it so far?
Well, I got here the day before yesterday. At first I wasn’t sure exactly where I was. It’s a very small town and I didn’t know where the the trees stopped and the village began. Turns out they don’t stop. Anyway, I drove up and down Highway 243, South Circle Drive, Tollgate Road and Saunders Meadow Road. I got thoroughly confused until finally I drove up North Circle Drive and saw the “Start Here” sign. How helpful.
How do I like it? This town is ripe (in every sense of the word) for doctoral care and I’m sure I’ll have my hands full telling people what to do. And I like that giant rock on the side of the hill. It won’t fall on the town, will it?
TC: Do you have any final words to share with the readers?
First, I’m delighted to know that some of the people in Idyllwild can read.
Second, please don’t call me, I’ll call you.
Third, “No,” I’m not interested in accepting a position on the fire department board, water district board or a Chamber of Commerce board (next time one re-appears). And last, don’t waste your time trying to learn anything else from anyone else. Just consult Google, Wikipedia, or, naturally, the Dr.