Dr Know It All can answer any of your questions. He just happens to know everything. Dr Know It All selects a few letters from readers to answer each week. Readers should feel free to mail the doctor a question at the Town Crier ([email protected]). The doctor remains anonymous.
Dear Dr Know It All:
I get so angry with indifferent tourists who meander along weaving in and out of our streets, when I’m trying to drive somewhere. What can I do about it?
Nancy
Here are your options:
a. Swear at them as you drive by. Oaths are even more effective. Curses are rather violent and should be used only on a case-by-case basis.
b. Temporarily cover you car’s license plate then carefully side-swipe the offending tourist, taking care not to maim.
c. Drive alongside a tourist and hand them religious pamphlets. Or, invite them inside the car to look over your selection of Avon products and handmade jewelry. Be assertive.
d. Get rid of the car and buy a Harley-Davidson.
Dear Dr Know It All:
How old are you? And, if you know everything, then tell me how old am I?
Billy
I am approaching 2 billion, 207 million, 520 thousand seconds old. You do the math. And, you are 7 years old. I can verify that because I have a friend at NSA who looked up your Social Security number (and your hamster’s name). I knew anyway.
Dear Dr Know It All:
Only a few friends know that a long time ago I named my Chihuahua Mayor Max after a great uncle from South Carolina named Maximilian. My uncle had been mayor of his town. You can Google it. So my Mayor Max and I have been having an identity crisis for a while now. What do you suggest?
Daphne
One Mayor Max is more than enough. Dump the title and upgrade. I personally like Viscount Max, but Lord Max, Crown Prince Max and His Imperial Highness Max would work nicely.
Dear Dr Know It All:
Why is the sky blue?
Sylvester
Seriously? I’m really too busy. Just Google it. In the meantime, the short answer is that a long time back we all had a focus group and decided that “blue” was substantially less offensive than orange, red, yellow or green — the only other options offered.
Dear Dr Know It All:
Why do you want to remain anonymous? You must have a real name — one you had before you became famously known as Dr Know It All. Surely your parents and your friends called you something else. Come on. A girl wants to know.
Roxie
You’re a “Nosey Parker,” aren’t you? (The Dr loves that phrase.) It’s really none of your business but I’ll tell you anyway. Before I was Dr Know It All, I was known as Mr Know It All, and before that just Know It All.
