Spiritual Workout

Dear Spiritual Workout:
How do I get over a breakup gracefully?

Dear Reader:
OMG, I love this question! That’s because I hear it as “I want to get over a breakup gracefully,” which sounds like an intention and being intentional is, for anyone playing along at home, such a huge part of what it means to live consciously, what Spiritual Workout is all about.

Whether it’s dealing with loss of a person or pet because they died or because we’ve experienced a breakup or because we are dealing with a serious medical condition or diagnosis or are starting a business or making travel plans or beginning a new relationship, the question is always the same: what do you want? In this case, you apparently want to emerge on the other side of an unfolding breakup thinking, believing/knowing, and feeling that you did it gracefully. So, first up, what does “gracefully” mean to you? What might “gracefully” entail? Flesh that all the way out. Keep repeating it to your Self until it sounds and feels normal to think it and feel it and say it. Speak in present tense language like “I’m so proud of how I am handling this breakup.” This is basic intention-setting practice. Further, we are here for a reason/there are no accidents. So, like with everything, you might want to learn and grow from the experience or to break old patterns. But it’s not my job to tell you what to want so I’ll backup tip-toe away.

Dear Spiritual Workout:
I feel like I’m not seen in my relationship. How can I work with my partner on this?

Dear Reader:

First, I’m going to play with your wording. “I’m not seen in my relationship” is not a feeling, it’s a belief. Or a fact. Or a knowing. Or an experience. On your part. Yes? The feeling might be “I feel invisible.”

Talking with our partners about ourselves and only ourselves, not even using the word “you” when we want to convey something, is an effective way to communicate because, ostensibly, it eliminates the need for said partner to defend themselves in any way. Then you must talk about what it’s like for you to feel invisible. Put more meat on that bone. From here — and given a willing partner — I like to go to compassion for, at its core, compassion is about listening. Not judging, not opining, just listening. So from a place of sharing what it’s like for you to feel invisible in what I’m assuming is a romantic, intimate, sexual relationship, would be an intention for both of you to communicate with compassion. The game, quote unquote, is for each of you to listen and play back what the other has said. If it was not heard as intended, give it another go until it is. In my experience, the intention to be compassionate with one another is a bit more freeing and easier to do than some step-by-step, making-it-more-complicated-than-it-needs-to-be “approaches to good communication” that are out there. But that’s just me.

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You’re Invited…

…to Spiritual Workout’s 9^(th) Annual “Resolutions Shmezolutions” Online Intention-Setting Party Extravaganza on Dec. 30. It’s a light-hearted way to get serious about what you want, Spiritual Workout-style. Info/tickets: spiritualworkout.com/resolutions-shmezolutions. Sliding scale.