Dear Spiritual Workout,
I’ve been divorced from my ex-husband for more than a decade and we are both remarried. Even though we have a good relationship, I wish he were more involved with our grown kids. He moved far away from all of them and it seems their relationships are mostly surface. I feel bad for the kids. Is there anything I can do to help their relationships along?

Well, you’ve said a mouthful and these are the concepts I’m limiting myself to in response: intentions matter; judgments separate us; take responsibility. “I wish he were…” is, I’m sorry/not-sorry to say, where that comes to an end. It’s a wish, a hope, and it’s all you’ve got because none of us can ever intend for another. That means if any or all of your kids want a different relationship with their father, it will have to be an intention they have for themselves. Next, to assume that’s what they want is to judge, plainly and simply. And your assessment that their relationships with him “seem surface” is actually more judgment. In truth, you don’t really know (but you can certainly inquire). Lastly, to take responsibility means understanding and appreciating the difference between what we are and what we are not responsible for. I know you care, obviously, but if you take this on as your responsibility, that’s where the wheels will come off and forever frustration will ensue.

Dear Spiritual Workout,
How do I improve my boundaries at work? I’ve tried so many times to tell my fellow employees how I need to work and I am disregarded. My lunch disappears from the fridge, my favorite pens are taken, etc. Am I being petty?

You pose two very different questions here and I’m going to focus on the one about how to improve boundaries. Most everyone I work with understands the importance of boundaries and it sounds like you’re in that camp. And most everyone I work with struggles to enforce the boundaries they set and then feel disregarded, deflated, demoralized and the like as a result. You’ve probably heard the expression, “we teach people how to treat us.” That’s true, but we largely do so unconsciously based on beliefs we have about ourselves, life, our place in it, and how things work. The chronic nature of your complaint buttresses the theory that the root of this issue is the family of beliefs you have that add up to being disregarded in these ways. I don’t count; I’ll offend someone; my opinions don’t matter; I don’t matter; other people know more than I do; I’m being petty are examples of what some of your beliefs might be…but only you will know for sure. Beliefs matter because they create experience. If you brought a list of whatever they are to a Spiritual Workout Weekly Online E.F.T./Tapping Clinic, you’d be well on your way to dis-creating them, replacing them, and having entirely new experiences at the office.

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Dear Reader
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