Spiritual Workout

Dear Spiritual Workout:
I had a conflict with some friends earlier this year and I haven’t talked to them since but I keep thinking about it and being bothered by it. Do I let it go or try to fix the relationships?

Dear Reader:
That depends entirely upon what, exactly, is bothering you since the time of the “conflict.” For example, is what’s bothering you more about them and what they said or did? Or is what’s bothering you more about you, how you handled things leading up to the conflict, while you were in it, and since that time? It also depends entirely on what you want. What would be the possible intention(s) for attempting to “fix the relationships?” What would be the possible intention(s) for “letting go” of the relationships? And which of the possible intentions are coming from your head and which are coming from your heart, as we say? Answering these questions will itself provide much guidance.

Dear Spiritual Workout:
My spouse (wife) is having a rough time. I feel sorry for her, really I do. I know she’s in something of a funk but nothing I do seems to help get her out of it, which is all I want to do. I’m worried that I am building up resentment because it hasn’t been any fun to be together and fun is usually what we’re about. Is there anything I can do to get us back on track?

Dear Reader:
Anything you can do? By yourself? Maybe. You’re connected and because everything is energy, everything affects everything and it is quite possible that a shift in your energy will inure to the benefit of your wife, but that is definitely not guaranteed. What will help most is learning that “nothing I do seems to help” is a signal that you are barking up the wrong tree, as it were. The truth is, we cannot create in another person’s reality no matter how much we love them. So, since it’s you I’m talking to, let’s talk about how this goes down in a stereotypically healthy relationship wherein two sovereign beings partner with each other. Those people know where one ends and the other begins. They know what they are and are not responsible for. “I want you to be happy, but I realize only you can create your own happiness. Is there anything I can do today, these days to help you?” A possible answer might be: “No, thank you, nothing more than offer a little time and space. I have to do this on my own, but I appreciate your patience and knowing you’re there. I’ll let you know if that changes.” In this exchange, you’d be free to do what all of us are here to do — even when we are married — create your own happiness. Stay on your track. Be responsible for your Self. Communicate regularly with you wife to see if/when anything has changed with her. You might be surprised to see the effect of you living your life has on your wife, as suggested at the top.

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Dear Reader
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