Q.  I think I’m in love with a ventriloquist. He’s witty and smart, and he has the most beautiful big brown eyes. I think he likes me, too, because he keeps staring over at me during his performances. Also, he  …

A. Is there a fashion question here?

Q. Yeah, I’m getting to it … One problem is, he’s very short. Also — and this part is a bit weird — he’s always sitting on this big guy’s knee. What should I wear to get him to ask me out?



A. … Uh, …  Mitsy, …


Q. I’m trying to attract girls. My mother has convinced me to go out and buy a maroon suit. What color should I get?



A.  … Stuart, have you met Mitsy?

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