Spiritual Workout

Dear Spiritual Workout:

How do I trust other people when I am so used to being betrayed? It seems like I don’t even notice it in the moment and find out later that my friends weren’t being nice to me. How can I distinguish when to trust and when not to?

Dear Reader:

If you are used to being betrayed (and I would love to know what your definition of betrayed is), the first place to look — true of any chronic circumstance — is at the belief or the family of beliefs you have about your Self, others, friendships, etc. that are adding up to the experience of being betrayed. Completely guessing, of course, but it could be something like “I’m not good enough; I’m not popular enough” or more in the realm of “I can’t trust people; people always betray me.” It matters not which came first — the belief(s) or the betrayal. What matters now is breaking the pattern of being “used to being betrayed.” Beyond, that, however, there is an extremely important dynamic at play here and that is your focus is on “them” because the gold will be in learning to trust your Self. When, in the course of living consciously, we focus more and more and more upon our own inspiration/guidance/gut/intuition by growing our “listen to inspiration” muscle, we see that there is far less need to trust other people and far more satisfaction in trusting ourselves to the point, as you say, that we can distinguish when to trust and when not to. I’d also jump on intending for better friends, but that’s just me.

Dear Spiritual Workout:

I love my husband but resent that he has to pay so much alimony to his ex. I knew this was the situation when we married but it still eats at me and then I feel guilty. Can you help?

Dear Reader:

Yes! First off, remember that guilt and resentment and what is “eating at you” fall into a certain category of beliefs you are harboring and ruminating upon. If they were true, they wouldn’t feel so awful so it would be helpful to write them out and re-evaluate them one by one (everyday Spiritual Workout practice). It will also be helpful to go back to the answer you provided when you said, “I knew this was the situation when we married.” You knew it and still you chose to get married. You knew it and you decided that, on balance, it would be worth it. So, what were you choosing? What was it that outweighed the alimony? Choices abound and it’s empowering, in a situation like yours, to re-visit the choice(s) you made. Most everyone I know who has engaged this practice finds that re-choosing a time or two or dozens of times is sometimes necessary. This action/stance, as you will see, puts you back in the driver’s seat, back into the empowerment that comes with taking responsibility for your life, all of which will make guilt and resentment — victimhood — melt away.

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Dear Reader

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