Spiritual Workout

Dear Spiritual Workout,

I am in my sixties, fit and active. I discovered years ago that eating a
plant-based diet was the key for me in terms of weight control and good
health. My dilemma now is that when I gather socially with friends they
constantly share about their ailments, doctor visits, diagnoses and
limitations. I feel for their struggles and have no desire to weigh in
on their diets, but frankly I would prefer more stimulating
conversation. Aside from seeking out younger and fitter friends do you
have any ideas on how I can find a different way to engage with my
friends?

Dear Reader,

Let’s first talk more broadly about when we find ourselves in situations
that are less than satisfying (or even really uncomfortable). Right off
the bat, there’s choice. What are you choosing by gathering with your
peers? Examples might be: to maintain long-held friendships; I like
them; it’s something to do. Knowing and reaffirming what you’re choosing
is always extremely helpful.

Next, there’s the concept/belief that we are here for a reason. Put
another way, there are no accidents. So, when we find ourselves in
situations that are not satisfying, not to our liking, that’s when we
ask: Who do I have to be or what muscle or trait must I grow or develop
in order to navigate to a more peaceful place? What I can tell you about
most anyone who pursues this inquiry is that the answer might not come
immediately and, when it does, it will be something that is conceptually
rather simple and that has “been on one’s back burner for a while” e.g.,
I have to be more present; less judgmental; more willing to express
myself. When you find it, then you can use the time with your friends as
an opportunity to practice that thing (those things).

As for different ways to engage them, one would be to simply introduce
subjects you’re interested in. It may be that nobody will bite and that
will be information in itself. Another would be to go all the way with
them. Wow! That sounds truly awful. Poor you. But my hunch is such
anodyne ideas will not produce what it sounds like you’re looking for
with regard to “more stimulating conversation.” That’s an intention with
layers to it so best practice would be to flesh out what that means to
you and I’m guessing it includes connection and fun. So intend to
experience stimulation, connection, and fun and worry less about how it
will happen. I have the most stimulating conversations with people!
Think it, say it, feel it all the time. When you do experience it —
maybe with a stranger in the market or by watching a scene in a movie —
magnify and make hay of it. That clerk is so interesting! I feel the
connection of those characters! This is what I love! Before long,
examples of stimulation, connection, and fun will be everywhere — maybe
even among your struggling friends.

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Dear Reader

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